


Hiccup 's aftermath

by Hickzahn



Category: DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Dragons: Defenders of Berk, Dragons: Riders of Berk, F/M, Gen, Good Parent Stoick the Vast, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III Needs a Hug, Hurt Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Movie 1: How To Train Your Dragon (2010), Parent Stoick the Vast, Post-Battle, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Stoick the Vast, Self-Harm, Sick Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Hiccup Horrendous Haddock lll, Trauma, Unconsciousness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25990930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hickzahn/pseuds/Hickzahn
Summary: The battle against the red death is over, but Hiccup is badly wounded and needs immeadet medical help. How will they get him back to Berk in time? While Hiccup is fighting for his life, Stoick starts thinking about what happened during the past years. But finally back on Berk his world shatters once again when he sees the scars and even fresh cuts on his son's wrists. For both Hiccup and Stoick, starts a rough time, in which Hiccup not only has to deal with the loss of his leg and mental problems. For the first time they have the opportunity to resolve the problems from the past and while Hiccup and Stoick start to grow closer and closer to each other again, Hiccup finally begins to trust his Dad with the wounds that had burdened him for such a long time.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Astrid Hofferson, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Stoick the Vast, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Toothless, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Comments: 19
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy, this is my first fanfiction here on ao3! English is not my first language so be prepared :) I just hope you enjoy it, and i would love getting some feedback! The first chapter is just some kind of Prologue so I (and you maybe as well) can find a way into the story!

Hiccup", Stoick shouted, "son, where are you?" The fear that had started to grab him when he had seen his son on the night fury battling that gigantic dragon, was now turning into panic. Stoick was running through the cloud of smoke and dust that stung in his eyes, Hiccup was nowhere to be found. Suddenly Stoick saw something, only a few meters in front of him was lying something that looked like a... night fury. Stoick tried to blink away the tears which were now more and more filling his eyes. It really was a night fury. Hiccup 's dragon. Stoick knelt beside him. He noticed that many parts of his saddle had been destroyed by the fire and were now hanging lose around the night fury's body. "There's no chance Hiccup could have survived this" Stoick thought, when the night fury slowly opened his eyes. "I'm... I'm so sorry..." , he whispered. The dragon looked him in the eyes, then turned on his side and opened his wings. Stoick couldnt believe his eyes, right there in front of him was his son buried in a dragon's wings. The night fury had saved him. "Please, just let him be alive. He's my reason to live, i can't live with the pain of him being gone" , Stoick prayed when he carefully grabbed Hiccup and pressed his ear against his chest. Relief overcame him when he felt his son's heartbeat on his cheek. It felt like the best thing he has ever felt. Stoick pressed Hiccup against his own chest, while he tried to fight against the tears which now came stronger than ever. He looked a the dragon." His name was Toothless ", he suddenly remembered  
"Thank you for saving my son", Stoick whispered, still overpowered with the relief he was feeling. If he was completely honest with himself, he hadn't realized in many years that he loved Hiccup as much as he felt it right now. It was the strongest kind of love Stoick has ever felt and in that moment he understood that it had been there , ever since he had felt Hiccup's first kicks against Valka's belly 15 years ago. He understood that this kind of love sometimes can become unnoticed like it did in some situations during the past years. But it can't disappear. Stoick knew that. And he knew whatever would happen he would help Hiccup get through it. Even as Gobber appeared behind him. Saying :" Well most of him."

Stoick now dared taking a first close look at his son. The upper part of his body looked (in the eyes of a viking) still relativly unharmed. Of course his dad could still see a lot of burns through Hiccup's partly burned and ripped tunic. But that was nothing compared to his left leg. Hiccup had third and second degree burns running up and down his leg. Stoick couldnt bring himself to look at it any longer. He knew what was very likely in store for Hiccup. More presicely his leg. 

"I need a healer", Stoick shouted. The panic that had almost disappeared when he had heard his son's heart beat was now surfacing again. He knew that Hiccup 's injuries were very likely to kill him. If not today, than probably tomorrow, at the latest when Hiccup would go into shock or if gangrene or other serious infections would set in. The chief tried to ignore these devastating but very possible ways. He had turned his back on Hiccup for such a long time, now was his time to at least try to be a good Dad for him. Stoick knew he was going to do everything to make his little Hiccup survive. He couldnt die. Not now. Not like that. Stoick would save him, he had never been so sure about something like he was now. He had Hiccup carefully pressed against his chest when he heard the steps of the healer coming nearer on the cold gravel.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, thank you so much for the comments, kudos and bookmarks on my last chapter. I appreciate it so much! I feel so bad for letting Hiccup go through so much in this fanfiction. I hope you enjoy!! Credits to @/dyannehs on tumblr, on whose blog i found an awesome post about amputation in viking times, even related to Hiccup's case, for some of the medical information in this and the following chapters.  
> As well as my mom's medical books and uncountable websites about burns, shock etc. But i enjoy doing Httyd related research so much :)) and again sorry for my english, it's not my first language :)

"I need some blankets", the healer told the bystanding vikings after taking a fast first look at Hiccup.

A big, blonde woman called Ida was already making her way through the shocked viking crowd, which had started to whisper tensely after seeing Hiccup's left leg. 

Everybody was familiar with what would happen to Hiccup in the next hours. Everybody knew his leg would have to be amputated.

It wasn't a rare event on Berk but none of the affected Berkians had ever been so young like Hiccup was. The boy was only 14 and very skinny. No one knew what would happen to Stoick 's heir. No one knew if Hiccup would survive. 

Exactly this uncertainty was almost killing Stoick as the healer received the blankets from Ida and spred them on the ground.

The healer, who's name was Ole by the way, wasn't very experienced yet. He knew how he could help Hiccup and probably save his life but the boy's chances of survival would be much higher on Berk under Gothi's medical treatment. 

"Please go and check the ships", he shouted to a throng of men "we need to get him back to Berk as fast as possible, or Hiccup will die." The eight vikings stopped their nervous whispering and made their way to the more or less burned ships. 

Stoick felt like he was giving away a part of himself, when he laid his son on the blankets. "He has to be kept warm", Ole said, " we have to prevent him going into Shock at all costs. He very likely will go into shock but better later on the safe ship than right now."  
He wrapped Hiccup's upper body in a heavy fur blanket. Stoick took his coat off and covered his son with it as well.

He took Hiccup's hand and cupped it in his huge palms. He felt so helpless. There was nothing he could do for his dying son, except praying to the gods to have mercy with him and to let Hiccup be alive. 

Meanwhile the healer had pulled out a slender knive out of his belt and started to slice Hiccup's pants open until he could completly take them off and take a better look at Hiccup's left leg. 

While the burns on Hiccup's right leg and left thigh looked more pink, puffy and were oozing white stuff, the burns on his left lower leg were red, some parts even black. It looked almost charred. His left foot was completely mangled. 

Stoick closed his eyes, as he squeezed Hiccup's hand even harder. Why did he really had to let it come to that? How could he let that happen to his son?  
He was his dad, on top of that the only parent Hiccup has had while growing up. But where was he? What did he do?  
Killing dragons while pushing his only son and heir slowly but surely over the edge.

Ole interrupted Stoick 's thinking with the next devastating news.  
"I'm sorry chief. The burns on Hiccup's lower leg look very bad. They will get severly infected what he will most likely not survive. We can't sterilize it thoroughly enough to prevent the infection to set in, we haven't even brought any whine or vinegar at all with us, to at least slightly sterilize the burns. His left foot is so mangled, i don't think he could ever walk again." 

The healer looked at Stoick with a nervous but all-pervasive gaze in his eyes as he continued. "I know i'm quite young and unexperienced Chief. I know how badly you wished Gothi would be here. Believe me, i feel the same. But I've known Hiccup his whole life and i could never forgive myself, if he dies right here under my medical care. But i still have a lot of medical knowledge, so trust me if i tell you that Hiccup only has a chance to survive if we amputate his lower left leg." 

Stoick swallowed hard. He had understood everything Ole said but it took him a while to let the information sink in. Even though it was exactly what he had expected. 

Hiccup would never forgive him. All of this was his fault. The sole fault of Stoick the Vast. But his boy would be alive. Hiccup would live. He could yell at Stoick, he could hate him, curse at him but he would be alive. And that was the only thing that mattered to Hiccup's dad right now.

"All right, just save my boy Ole. Please he's everything for me", Stoick's voice was shaking and he hated himself for that. Hiccup was the only one who had the right to cry in that moment. Not him. Not him at all.

"Thank you Stoick.", Ole said quietly, "Now let's get Hiccup on that ship, so we can finally treat his wounds and take care of your boy, all right?" The young healer gave the chief a faint but genuine smile. 

"Yes please", Stoick answered.  
Ole carefully wrapped Hiccup's wounded legs in the cleanest blanket they could find and covered everything else in their coats and the other blankets. Then Stoick carefully lifted his son up and carried him to a ship, which had only been burned slightly.  
Stoick and the other Berkians considered it as seaworthy.

Fifteen minutes later Hiccup laid, his head buried on Stoick's lap, on deck on a bunch of blankets. Ten other berkians, including Gobber, Spitelout and Ole of course would accompany them on the journey back to berk. The dragon riders would help the remaining vikings to fix the other ships and provide them with the most important supplies from Berk. 

Right after Agnar had set sail, the young healer started the treatment of Hiccup 's wounds. He removed the blankets that covered his legs, and told the chief to press them against the wound. 

Then Ole stripped off his belt and tied it under the knee around Hiccup's leg, right above the third degree burns.  
He grabbed a stick which he had brought on the ship. He placed it on the knot in the belt, tied two overhand knots to secure the stick and started twisting the stick in one direction. "What's that for?", Stoick asked critically. "We have to cut off the blood circulation in his lower leg, so he won't suffer from major blood loss when we amputate.", Ole answered. He was now pretty sure the circulation was cut off. 

Stoick knew what was going to come know. He already felt sick to his stomach just by thinking what would happen to his boy in the next minutes. 

He smoothed Hiccup's auburn coloured hair back and suddenly realized how soft it was. Stoick tried to remember the last moment he did something like stroking his child and felt even worse, when he couldnt think about one in the past years. 

Ensuring, he placed his palm on Hiccup's forehead to feel if he had already started running a fever.  
Luckily, Hiccup's temperature felt relativly normal. 

Suddenly, Hiccup started coughing and moved his head so apruptly on Stoick's lap that it almost side-sliped on the wooden planks. 

The chief gently took hold of him and laid him back again.

"It's okay lad, i'm here" , Stoick whispered and kissed his son on the forehead. 

Hiccup started coughing again but slightly opened his eyes this time.

He minorly moved his lips, mumbling something ununderstandable trying to keep his eyes partially open. 

Stoick didn't know what Hiccup was trying to tell him. 

"I know lad, i know, everything will be okay. I promise. " Stoick's voice sounded almost pleading. Like he was rather trying to convince himself of that then the boy.

Hiccup's eyes started getting glassy again until eventually they closed completely and the boy got unconscious again.  
That was too much for Stoick. "I can't do this anylonger ", he cried, "Why is that happening to my Hiccup?" his huge hands clinging to his son. " "He never deserved any of this, he's just a little boy." 

Gobber came from behind, lying his hand on his best friend's shoulder. "It's okay Stoick. We all know that. It's okay to feel that way, what am i saying it's good and normal to feel like that. Hiccup is your son. But you have to stay strong, old friend. For Hiccup, he needs you." 

Stoick calmed down a bit.  
"But why is he unconscious again?", he asked, his voice still quavering. 

"He has a concussion of the brain by hitting his during the fall from the night fury", the healer answered, "it's nothing dangerous. Actually, for his symptoms and injuries it's completly normal to pass out and feel dazed or sick. But it's a good sign he came around within 30 minutes again. That means the concussion isn't severe, right now he probably passed out from a parasympathetic nervous system response. But now we really have to start the surgery."

"All right, but he won't feel the pain, won't he?", Stoick asked.

"No,he won't ", Ole answered and pulled the slender,sharp knife out of his bag.  
He positioned it under the torniquet below Hiccup's knee, which they had tied earlier and started to cut. 

It started bleeding profusely, but not as much as Stoick had expected. The torniquet was working. Still, he had to resist the strong urge to look away. He felt incredibly responsible for everything that was happening right now. He had to take care of his boy and make sure he is as safe as he could be in this situation. 

Ole was cutting Hiccup's leg in a triangle just above the third degree burns. So that Hiccup's bone was at the top of the triangle and two flaps of flesh were hanging on either side.

After roughly 45 minutes, the healer had finished cutting. It had been the worst 45 minutes of Stoick's life and sometimes he had to pull himself together to not whip the healer the knife out of his hand, grab Hiccup and never letting go of him. 

But now that the amputation was finally over, it just took a load off his mind.  
The scenery was still awful. Most of Hiccup's lower leg was gone, the wound hadn't been closed yet and Ole's hands and the underlying blanket were soaked with blood.  
But Hiccup was still breathing and that was everything that mattered to his dad. 

"Unfortunaly I haven't brought any stuff to sew the wound up, we'll have to cauterize it. I can do that properly but someone has to heat up a knife for me", Ole announced. 

Gobber agreed to do it. 

So the young healer pulled the skin close over the bone and seared it where the flesh was meeting.

Stoick didn't want to think about how painful this procedure must have been when Hiccup had been conscious. 

He became a bit more comfortable, when the viking woman named Ida brought some clothes, she had cooked in water to sterilize them. Reciptoratind Ole took them and bandaged Hiccup's leg, as well as some of the more severe burns at the rest of his body.

Then Stoick laid him on a clean blanket and got a rag which was soaked with some of the cooked water. He started to clean up his son a bit. Stoick wished he at least had a clean tunic or underwear for Hiccup. But needless to say he hadn't so he carefully removed the soot from Hiccup's hair, clothes and the body parts that weren't covered by them. 

When he was finished, he wrapped him in the blankets and turned his son's head to the side like Ole had told him before to prevent Hiccup from choking on bile or blood. 

Then he sat next to the boy and cupped his hand in his. Watching Hiccup's chest raising and falling as he breathed, Stoick felt himself getting tired. But he hadn't felt so much love and protectiveness towards Hiccup in the past years. Stoick couldnt sleep now. Not after all the bad he had caused. 

So he just sat ther on the deck, looking up in the night sky, praying to the gods to forgive him. 

To let Hiccup live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say that i enjoy writing this fanfiction so much!!! I want to write the next chapter now!! Thank you so much for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uwu, i finally updated. Thank you so much for commenting and leaving kudos, i hope you enjoy :) I hate letting Hiccup go through all of this. I thought about what happened after the battle against the red death since i first watched Httyd and made up this story for myself. I wanted to keep it realistic, the post of @/ dyannehs on tumblr as well as research has helped me a lot with all the medical stuff:)  
> And english isn't my first language so be a bit lenient with the expression and grammar in this story, tell me if you find some mistakes or something:))

Stoick's POV:

The night had now completely taken over  
Stoick continiously tried to keep his eyes open as the tiredness started taking over him. How could he even think about sleeping in this situation? While his life threatening wounded son was lying next to him? But even for a viking chief the past day had been rough.With big effort Stoick managed to tear himself out of the dreamy state he had fallen into to check up on Hiccup once again. 

He checked Hiccup's temperature and took his hand. It seemed to had gotten colder and colder during the past 30 minutes and made him derply worried again. 

Hearing Hiccup's breathing through the the almost scarily silent night had started to kind of relieve Stoick since Hiccup had gotten wounded, but right now he noticed it sounding unnaturaly rapid. He was far away from being any kind of medical professionel but he had a very ungood feeling about this. He felt that something was wrong with Hiccup.  
"Gobber, something 's wrong with Hiccup", Stoick shouted over the deck that had become a lot more silent as night had started to fall. 

Gobber had been sitting on the planks with two other vikings, talking silently about the events of the passing day and was now rushing towards Hiccup and Stoick.

In the glow of the lamp, which the blacksmith was holding in his hand Stoick noticed that his son's hair and face as well as the blankets were drenched in sweat. 

"What's wrong with him?", Stoick gasped. Gobber was already kneeling next to Stoick's son, checkingly placing his hand on Hiccup's forehead.  
"He doesn't have a fever, he feels very cool", Gobber stated but Ole who appeared behind the two men was already pushing him aside.  
"I think he's going into shock", Ole had already recognized while he was still checking Hiccup's pulse. "Sweating, rapid pulse, paleness, low body temperature. All signs of shock", Ole tried to sound calm. He was quite unexperienced as a healer and now there he was, the only healer togetherwith the chief's heir who now had gone into a life threatening condition.

"What does that mean for my boy?", Stoick boomed. He didn't mean it to come out like this but right now the overtaking panic started to make it hard for Stoick to control himself. 

Ole didn't reply, he was already elevating Hiccup's legs and wrapping his skinny, cold body in dry blankets.

As he checked another time if the boy was still breathing, Hiccup suddenly uttered a gurgling, retching noise. Stoick gasped as Hiccup heaved again, his skinny boudy doubling over, this time followed by a gust of vomit. Ole now turned Hiccup's body completly on his right side while Gobber made sure his legs stayed elevated. Stoick couldnt see his son like this. Over and over again, Hiccup threw up on the planks . For Stoick these minutes felt like years. This whole night just felt like a never ending nightmare. 

When Hiccup had finally finished vomiting, Ole cleaned up his mouth, from the remaining vomit and turned him back on his back, making sure his head was still turned to the side.

"He really has gone into shock", the healer finally answered, "the burns and blood loss caused him to lose lots of fluids. He doesn't get enough blood flow so his tissues suffer from a lack of oxygen. That can result in life threatening organ failure. But we treated Hiccup's shock quickly so i think he'll make it."

Stoick was now kneeling next to his son again, gently stroking some sweaty wisps of hair out of the boy's face.  
He was just noticing how grown up his son was already looking, when Hiccup started gasping for air. His hands were clenching to fists and he slightly opened his eyes.  
He looked at his father.  
"Dad", Hiccup gasped, his eyes shutting close again.  
"Hey lad", Stoick forced a pretty surprised looking smile on his face, "you doing okay?". Stoick hated himself for asking such an incredibly stupid question. But what do you ask your barely conscious , half dead son?

-Hiccup's POV-

Hiccup opened his eyes again, completly this time. The world around him looked foggy and blurred. What had happened? He tried to remember but the excruciating pain in his left leg made it impossible to contemplate. His head was aching horribly, the dull pain hammering against his temples making him feel terribly nauseous.  
" 'm feel'n sick, dad", Hiccup whispered.  
"I know son ,i know. It's going to be okay, i promise you", Stoick answered his huge hand closing around Hiccup's.

"Dad", Hiccup mumbled again, squinting his eyes as a sudden sharp pain flashed through his head. "Yes son, I'm here", his Dad's voice sounded muffled like he talked through some kind of cloud.  
Hiccup groaned when another wave of nausea came over him, he swallowed heavy, trying to fight back the urge to empty his stomach again. Still, he was so thirsty, his throat was burning.   
"Dad... 'm' so thirsty", he stammered out.  
"Alright...Alright son", Stoick said, still feeling a bit overwhelmed by the sudden facts that his son was half-conscious again, "Ole, Hiccup's thirsty", he turned to the young healet "what does that mean? Can we get him some water?"  
"It's pretty normal for someone who's recovering from shock", Ole answered , "his body suffers from an extreme lack of fluids, it's a good thing he gained back consciousness. Drinking will help raising his blood pressure and getting him out of shock. We just have to be very careful. On no account Hiccup is allowed to fall unconcious again while he's drinking. We can’t risk him choking in this condition."  
"Alright ", Stoick turned back to the muddled Hiccup, who seemed to have to fight back unconciousness again.  
"Hey, buddy you have to stay with me. Ole gets some water for you, you'll get as much as you want, just make sure to stay with us okay?" , Stoick stated.  
Hiccup gave forth a faint groan, Stoick couldn't identify if it indicated Hiccup's approval or just the terribly pain his son had to ne in right now. 

-Stoick's POV-

When Ole arrived with a mug of water, he ordered Stoick to right Hiccup up on his lap as far as possible without causing him even more pain.  
Stoick tried to be incredibly careful, still Hiccup uttered a sharp yelp as his dad moved him into an upright position. 

-Hiccup's POV-

Hiccup felt his Dad grabbing him under the shoulders, delicately raising him on Stoick's lap. Suddenly something touched his leg, sending a sudden, agonizing pain up through his leg into his whole body. A sharp yelp came over his lips and he felt himself tearing up. Everything around him started spinning, forcing him to squinch his eyes shut. 

-Stoick's POV- 

"Okay Hiccup, you ready? Stay with us, alright?", Ole asked and moved the mug towards Hiccup's mouth.  
"Ya", Hiccup croaked out.  
Ole placed the mug on Hiccup's pale lips and the boy started drinking greedily. Soon he had emptied the mug. 

The healer placed the mug on the planks, carefully laying his hand on Hiccup's shoulder: "You're doing a great job, boy, stay strong, we'll get get you through this", he said quietly. 

-Hiccup's POV- 

Hiccup tried to open his mouth to answer the healer but when his body immeadetly let him feel how incredibly weak and tired he was, he gave up.  
Drinking the water made him feel a lot better. The cool water felt so good in his soring throat and eased his headache. Still every cell of his body seemed to hurt.  
He slightly opened his eyes again only to shut them back close as everything around him was still spinning. 

Hiccup couldn't make himself stay awake anylonger.  
"Dad?", he got out into the darkness that seeemed to be surrounding him. His own voice sounded so far away and muffled like it didn't belong to him, "so tired".

"It's okay Hiccup, you can go back to sleep now, everything's okay, don't worry. I'm here, i'm never going to leave you again", he heard his Dad's voice saying. Now Hiccup couldnt stop himself from falling deeper and deeper into the deep absorbing blackness which promised him some comfort from all the nagging pain.  
The noises around him, the rushing of the wind, the fuzzy voices of his Dad Gobber and the healer, the washing of the waves everything turned into a consistent whooshing sound that seemed to swallow him.  
Together with the all consuming pain, the salt tanged smell of the sea air mixed with the acrid stench of vomit the world around him disappeared and without being able to fight back Hiccup soon had fallen into a comatose sleep. 

-Stoick's POV- 

Stoick watched his son slowly drifting off into unconsciousness. His eyes closed, the head buried in Stoick's crook of the arm Hiccup almost looked like being peacefully asleep. 

Gladly he noticed that Hiccup was already starting to look better again. His face had regained some of it's colour and he had stopped sweating.

Hour after hour passed and soon dawn was nearing to finally bring an end to the past, fateful night.  
Stoick watched the first light rising over the sea. The sun looked like it was burning, bathing the cloudy sky in the brightest shades of red,pink and orange. He heard the calm waves slightly ponding against the side as the cool morning haze let him shiver slightly. 

It was a beautiful morning, the kind of morning which usually promised to be followed by a great day.  
But today, the morning seemed pretty out of place for Stoick and the other vikings on the ship.

An atmosphere of gloom pretained under the vikings and nobody was saying a word when they sat on the deck together eating a small, poor breakfast that consisted of salty, smoked fish and some stale bread. All of them had been over a long night, still Stoick couldn't eat a thing. 

For him the day had started devestating.

When the morning had neared Ole had noticed on one of his half-hourly checkups on Hiccup, that the boy had started running a fever as which an infection had started to manifest in.  
Ole had told Stoick that this was going to happen very likely since they didn't had any effective mans to sterilize Hiccup's wounds, but since Hiccup had gotten out of shock and his condition had improved, the chief didn't wanted to think about a possible infection.

But now it had set in and Stoick couldn't do anything but sit next to his son, holding his febrile burning hand and pray to every god he could think of that they would arrive on Berk in time where Gothi waited with a warm clean bed, ways to finally sterilize his wounds and medicine for Hiccup. 

Occasionally the boy moaned loudly in his sleep while squirming and trying to move his wounded body in his fever dreams. Stoick tried to keep his son calm, making sure he continued lying on his side to prevent him from possible choking or hurting himself even more but deep down he knew there was nothing he could do for his son in that moment.  
Once again, Hiccup had to fight this battle alone, just like every battle he had been through in his short life. Never Stoick had been there to support him. Never he had been there to give his son advice, comfort, help or protection.  
If anything, he had scolded him, punished him, insulted him, made him feel wrong, bad and lonely.  
He, the chief was the reason Hiccup had been bullied by the other children as well as adults his whole life.  
He had made them hating his boy.  
He had failed as a chief.  
And much worse than that, he had failed as a parent.  
That's what came of it now. Hiccup was severly sick. He was dying. And it was all alone his fault. The fault of Hiccup's father, if he could even call himself that.

Gobber noticed something wasn't going well with his best friend. He sat down next to him on the planks, both of them just keeping quiet, listening to Hiccup's heavy breathing.

"Don't think so much Stoick. Stop thinking about what happened in the past, guilt, shame whatever. The past is over, there's nothing we can change about it. We all make mistakes...", Gobber started explaining.  
"But no one abuses their own child like that", Stoick disrupted him loudly, his eyes filling with tears. "I ruined his life, Gobber, I did this to him. I did this, me alone, no explosion or dragon, the actual reason Hiccup is lying here like that is me, don't you understand?"

"I understand you very well Stoick, it's just like... you made mistakes yes, but you did many good things for Hiccup as well. Even though you often weren't nice to him, you still were a dad for him. You were constantly worried about him, you wanted him to become a real viking so he can be a part of the tribe, for him to be happy. You just couldnt show that to him, that you love him, that hes important to you, that you want him to have a good future. You couldnt give him the emotional intimacy, that a child like Hiccup needs. But you didn't do that on purpose. And now is a moment, when Hiccup needs you more than ever. You can change the future and make the best out of the moments you two have together. But right now, Hiccup needs a strong dad, so think about that", Gobber smiled at Stoick and laboriously got up. " By the way, Berk is looming on the Horizon , so you might get yourself and Hiccup ready to go ashore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like my story so far :)) please leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed!


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